Life of A Tortured Artist

I think I’m becoming a tortured artist. At least for the time being. Maybe it’s a phase that will pass, I don’t know. I’ve been trying to study art as much as possible and read books in the library about artists and techniques and the more I study and observe other artists work I have begun to question my own purpose in what I am creating.

Every artist has a vision right? Ideas pop into their heads or they are commissioned to do a piece on a certain subject. They think of an idea that has meaning, and a purpose. Some artists create pieces that may not have a purpose, and I’ve seen many other artists frown upon this. I’m not very eloquent with my words and I find it hard to express my point, but in short, there are many artists out there who create “vacuous art” where they really enjoy what they are creating, but it doesn’t seem to have a point. There’s no central idea or purpose behind the pretty picture. The picture may look great, but is it there just to look pretty and neat or is it there to convey an idea and a message? When I create something, I want people to like it, but also to feel what the piece is trying to say. If the piece doesn’t say anything, then they won’t feel anything. They will look at it and say ‘wow that’s cool,’ and then move on.

Another problem with vacuous art is that it is very comfortable for the artist to create. Thus, they get caught in a trap of making the same old pictures over and over. They think, as long as people like it and I feel comfortable making it, it should be okay. And so they never take risks or even try to change or push themselves out of the comfort zone. Look at Thomas Kinkade: He painted cute little cottages in the same old gaudy colors over and over and over. Since a lot of people liked his paintings he never bothered to do anything different or experiment in another direction. He figured that if it sells, it’s perfectly fine to create the same thing continuously. So the question is, is this okay? Or is he a “sell-out” who really has no thought or care about what he creates? Will people look at him and think: “wow, these cottages have so much meaning. The pastel blues and pinks give me a sense that while the cottage seeks to find comfort in its wooded glen, there is turmoil and a profound sense of grief in its mossy windows.” They probably won’t, because why bother to explain the meaning of a painting when there is none?

Here are a few examples of art that, while technically are very well done, do not seem to express a purpose or idea, let alone any emotion:

Vacuous girls

What I have realized, is that I’m probably guilty of this. I create “pretty pictures” and while I think they look neat, I don’t feel like any of them have a point. After comparing my work to others, I see that what I create doesn’t have a spirit, a message. I create a picture while doodling and then there it is: a beautiful person. But with no soul, and no message to the viewer. I don’t want to be a creator of vacuous girls. I want symbolism, emotion, feeling, warning, passion, purpose. Look at this work from the Slav Epic by Alphonse Mucha. Although he created many a poster of pretty women, he was quite capable of taking his art in an entirely different direction. How do you feel looking at this after you’ve examined the vacuous girls?

There is another problem that I have and that is direction. Many artists go through phases of what they like to create. Their work evolves as they explore new avenues. Much of what I have created is years old. And while I have started to produce work again, I feel as though I’m creating everything in the exact same way as I was before. My technique, work and subject hasn’t changed in about 5 years, and that is frightening to me. So I have been creating pictures of pretty people. But what is next? I have to somehow find the path that will lead me to create something I never have before in a whole new way.

I will be honest and say I really don’t like anything that I have been making recently. But the good news is that they say that if you are disgusted with your work, then they say you are making progress, getting better and it's a good thing. I really hope that’s true, and that I get better.

Like many people, sometimes I struggle with feelings of jealousy. Some artists out there seem to be more talented, prolific, smarter, cooler, and popular than me and even at a much younger age. It's hard not to feel immensely deficient when I see these kinds of people. I know that you shouldn't compare yourself to others but sometimes I think it is rather necessary so that you can see at what rate you are progressing. Most of the time I'm okay with who I am and what I do, but at other times there is an immense cloud of doubt hanging over my head and when I look at the "cool kids" I begin to wonder how I ever ended up where I'm at.

There is a girl in one of my classes who thinks it's wrong for someone to call themselves an artist. She said that the label of artist can only be applied to you by other people and that there are too many people who can't create anything yet call themselves an artist. Would others call me an artist? I don't know that they would, because I don't create enough pieces. Yet, I think I'm an artist because I have an artistic talent. (whether or not I use it all of the time.) Maybe I should only be a part-time artist, a hobbyist. But why have only a partial talent? Why not rely on it completely like so many others do every single day?

Okay, now I feel like I'm going in a million different directions, so I better stop writing! Laters!